They tell me I'm doing fine

I wish I could send flowers to each and every one of you. Thank you darlings. I'm fine. Chloe called to ask me where I went, I lied and said I left because I was tired. "Let's get together tomorrow" she said. "Me, you and Carl". I had to say yes.

It's funny, I keep hearing people say how their biggest regrets are the things they never did. I think about it every time a stranger catches my interest and I have to decide whether to tap them on the shoulder or not. Nothing scares me more than a clear view of the future so I hardly ever do, not because it's easier but because that romanticized image of what could have happened is so hopelessly inciting.

And I want it to be the same way with Carl. I want it to be so that I can see him again and carelessly drift away, fantasizing about us together like in a distant dream, alone on his bed in the dark listening to Let it bleed as if for the first time. Tomorrow I'll know.