How do you see me now?

I have this thing about not falling asleep naked, which may or may not have to do with how Marilyn died. This morning I woke up in black Dolce & Gabbana, relieved that even in my slightly drunken state of mind I apparently managed to remember.

Last night with S, first at my house where mother in one of her better moods treated us to petits fours, brandy and champagne. "What are we celebrating" I asked between sips. "Oh, just life" she giggled. I'm not sure that's a good thing.

Later at a noisy bar S made me explain why it's been months since we last talked. I think I yelled something about being envious of her and Henry, and she said "but you have Carl". I've never looked at him that way, but now I can't get it out of my head. What does that mean?