A diary - first

78-11-04

I'm scared, afraid of going away with him and of what it could mean if we do. He's the sort of person I've always wanted to be, fragile, sensitive and passionate, broken down but so immensely strong at the same time. He's truly a good man and I don't know if I will ever be able to live up to that, if I will ever feel completely at ease around him. I admire and adore him for what he is, but he makes me look at myself in a way I never asked for. Beside him I'm smaller, less significant, maybe even a lost cause. For him and for me. I should gather the strength to let him go, but something inside me, a little whispering voice, tells me not to and I just can't help but listen.

The birds have stopped coming now, empty skies over our house and a silent wind in the apple trees. I love you.